Safe

They're coming closer and closer.

The night is blue like a bruise. I can hear them screeching. They're coming for Forest. My Baby Forest, lying on his little bed, looking at me with his round eyes.

They will torture him before they kill him and eat him.

I have to do something.

What are you gonna do? Paolo wants to know.

Nothing you want to see. This one is on me.

Come, Forest. Come to Mommy.

I cuddle him one last time. And recite my silly made up rhyme:

I love you like your body is long
and your ears are big
and your eyes are slanty
and your coat is shiny
and you're so fluffy
and you're so small
like a dog should be.

Then I take him to the bathroom and hold him by the neck and drown him in the pail.

And as he's struggling, I consider slicing his throat with a razor.

But he's out soon.

And I cry and cry.

Then I dry him with my towel as they come closer and closer.

When they finally break down the windows and the door, when they finally come for him, my baby looks like he's just sleeping.

I will never be happy again. Ever.

But for the moment, I allow a sigh of relief because even if I will never hear his footsteps follow me around, even if I will never cuddle him again, he's safe from them now.