Help Me

I only realize I'm lost when I reach the top of the stairs. It's a hallway and all the doors are closed. When I turn around to retrace my steps I see not one but two set of stairs. I start to panic. I try the first stairwell but it doesn't seem familiar. I try the next one and it's not familiar either.

I feel dread. It paralyzes me and I can't move my legs. And I realize that these stairwells aren't ventilated. "Help me, help me, help me," I say silently to myself. I can't even move my mouth to scream.

In the Car

I feel so inconvenienced when they break it to me that VL and OV are my long lost brothers and now the three of us have to share a house.

But it doesn't take me long to realize that I can use this weird situation to my advantage. Like now, I glance at the driveway and see that the only car available is NOT an automatic so what do I do? I simply storm into their room, plop myself on their bed and decide that between the two of them VL is more tolerable and so it's him I shake to awake. "I need a ride."

And it's funny how he rouses himself up to get dressed. But wait, he's getting too dressed up. And this is when he tells me, "So I'm coming with you right? I'll tag along at the party." Gross.

It's so vile but it's so beneath me to argue so I roll my eyes, storm out of the room and just as I slam the door I shout, "I'll be in the car!"

Your Name

I don't know if I could fly a plane
Well enough to tailspin out your name
Or high enough to lose control completely
Honey, I'm thinking maybe
- Liz Phair, "Shatter"

Chaos is a house party. The party lasts all night and the number of guests just keep increasing exponentially. Mama has been giving me dagger looks the whole night but all the guests keep her busy, make her hold her temper.

Finally, the crack of dawn and the guests disappear.

You, TL and I grab our things and make our way out the door.

TL asks, "Camille, are we talking the car?"

I say, "No. We're just one jeep away. We'll take the jeep."

And then Mama finally asks me, "Who is that you are with?" And I'm surprised that she doesn't sound angry.

"We're off to work!" I say, pretending not to hear her. And I think, where is it that I work again? I can't remember...

She insists, "Who is that?"

"This..." I say, "This is..." And I look at you for help and you give me a wink and I'm so inlove and I suddenly have the courage to tell Mama your name.

Shelf, Space, Sail

It's so lovely to enter this room. I haven't been in here for so long. First it was Lola Candeng's room. Then Auntie Nieves'. Now it's mine. Slowly, and one book at a time, I start to empty the bookshelf. It takes me so long because I read the backcovers and glance at the inside pages. One book at a time. Never finding the book I was tasked to look for -- but somehow I feel that it's okay.

***

The inhabitants of this place act like regular people. They almost look like regular people except that they have teddy bear faces. They're so kind but I feel so confused by their appearance. I want to hug them and place them beside me on my bed except that they're people too. It's weird! I take more time to talk to them, get to know them, prepare myself to negotiate this space.

***

To be solar powered means to be able to fly like Superman. I was recently granted the powers of strength and flight and now this pressure to save the world hangs heavy on me. But I ignore the responsibility. Wearing a tutu, I do flips in the air, stretch my limbs, feel the surge of solar strength. My long, long hair trails behind me like a sail.

Code

It's only a matter of seconds before I figure out the code. It's nothing but a sequence of numbers but it's very sinister. I have a feeling they mean business.

Before they strike, I jump off the bed, bend over and scoop Forest out of his bed, and run.

Mesmerizing

Wild and unwise
I wanna be mesmerizing too
- Liz Phair

The bell rings and I walk to the Speech Room. Nothing I have is for my Speech classes. I check my blue feather and sure enough it's my college schedule that's written and I look around starting to panic and I realize that I don't know anyone anymore and it dawns on me that Sunshine is in America and I'm in the wrong year or something.

And in the wrong clothes. I don't remember putting these on. They're ugly. Ugly, ugly, ugly. And people start to stare as I strip off these ugly clothes until I'm down to my underwear but I don't care. I run down the steps and it surprises me that I'm not ashamed -- it's mesmerizing I feel.