All Her Moves

Beauty is where you find it. - Madonna

David Bowie picks me up at hotel room. "Why are you carrying all those bags?" he asks.

I try to explain, "This one has my cell. This one has my lip gloss. This one has my wallet -- "

And it's the idea of needing to carry around money that he finds funny. I feel slightly ashamed that I have revealed my non-celebrity status by needing cash but he acts so nice about it albeit he can't help from laughing when he says, "Leave your stuff sweetheart and take my arm."

So that is how you see us, Me and David Bowie walking across the hotel lobby. And you stop dead in your tracks and I blow you a kiss.

It changes one, you know, to be treated like a celebrity. I've done more significant things in my life but I've never felt this important. Or so loved.

Anyways.

People from our entourage open the doors of a theater and guide us to VIP seats and then, she comes on stage, because our people have cued her people that we have arrived. She comes on stage and starts singing and dancing, Madonna my idol is singing and dancing for me and David Bowie. I squeal from delight and sing and dance along. I know every word and know all her moves.

David Bowie just watches me and smiles.

Kilig Junkie

He pretends it is accidental -- the way his arm keeps touching mine. We're part of a group and we're working on a project and don't ask me what project it is because I haven't been paying attention what with all this clandestine touching of skin.

It's electric, it is. I am high for this kind of thing. I will feel jubilant for days. I am a kilig junkie.

Suddenly, amidst the chaos, his puts his hand on top of mine. No one notices. I tilt my head to meet his eyes and smile.

Barefoot

You don't know the power that you have with that tear in your hand.

Your car is the first thing I see. It's not likely that we will meet here but still my heart races. I wander around wanting to see you but not wanting to see you too. Do you understand?

While wandering I see: a group of yuppies still in their suits toasting the fine weather (indeed it is fine), a playground, a pond, swimming pools, bath tubs, a beach -- all kinds of water and water containers and the black of the blackest ocean.

I take my sandals off and carry them in my hand. All the world is all I am. Do you understand?

This is how I am when I see you: Barefoot, flushed from the exercise, my hair sticking to my face, my shirt wet.

You are sitting in a gazebo that overlooks a lake. You are with two girls. (I think they're pieces of me you've never seen.) I approach. (I've forgotten to put my sandals on and they are still swinging from my left hand.)

You rise and stare in disbelief. Well, part of me doesn't want to see you, right? And that part of me wants to turn around and run. But you smile at the same time a tear falls from the corner of your eye and you come towards me and we hug and I let my sandals drop on the ground.

All the world just stopped now.

***
Tori Amos' words from "Tear in Your Hand" in Italics.

Closer, Closer

I follow him to a party. It's dark. We're in a house that sits on top of the hill. The floors are slippery, red. People I don't know talk to me. I try to keep an eye on him but it's dark, black. I lose him.

All around are candles and the smell of wax.

When I see him it is exactly like I feared. Him and her locked in a kiss. How could he, how could he do this to ME.

The sense they are being watched so they look at me. I'm so startled that I start to run. He comes after me so I run faster. I make my way out the house that sits on top of the hill. Do you know the walls could be peeled off? Like paint? That's how easy they came off for me. I kick of my shoes and run down the hill, the music from the party getting softer and softer. I run down the streets, the asphalt bruising my soles. I see lights from cars, a road, more lights.

I wave both my hands at passing cars trying to hitch a ride. No one will stop. I start crying. From behind me I hear him coming closer, closer.

Grounds

You've never felt so stressed in your life. The school bus has left you. Your cell phone went dead. The hallways are haunted. The lessons are difficult. The girls are unfriendly. Your best friend is dead.

Your best friend is dead.

She's the one torturing you, driving you mad, making strange these once familiar grounds of school.

Blue Blue

I think I'm in love but it makes me kinda nervous to say so.
- Beck

You know you should be afraid but it's nice that you feel. You let him pull you by the wrists. No, no, you say but you don't mean it and you giggle when he pulls harder. You're near enough for a kiss and you close your eyes to receive it.

Yes, your eyes are closed but still you see it.

You see him, you, the kiss, the blue blue sky get bigger and bigger to swallow you up.