Going Up

We manage to outrun them and hide in his apartment. Paolo locks all the doors and I shut all the curtains. I peek outside. I see the men with guns split up -- some take the stairs and some the elevator. I am surprisingly not afraid. I know what to do.

I tell him, "They're on their way up. They've covered the stairs and the elevator. We must go up!"

But to my horror I see that someone has shot him with a tranquilizer gun. "Wake up!" I yell at him. "Move! Walk! I will never forgive you if we don't make it!"

Another needle comes flying past us and gets Forest. So I carry Forest and continue to yell instructions and threats at Paolo who moves like his bones are made of jello.

Up the stairs we go and into the building's penthouse where we see Ms Abiog.

"I've been waiting for you," she says, smiling.

"Oh dear," I think silently to myself, a sleeping dog in my arms and a sleeping husband at my feet.

Easier Than Sorry

She urges me to go on. She's crying as she says to me, "Go on, Camille, please."

The hanging bridge shakes as I take a step. To get to other side, Anna and I must brave the rain, cross this slippery bridge. And try to get along.

Everything is wet. And trembling.

She keeps talking to me about when we were young and I can barely hear her for the rain and the noise the bridge makes as it swings and shakes.

"Shut up," I hiss. "Please, shut up. I want you to know that I am just putting up with you. We'll reach the other side together but I never want to see you again."

The sky swirls like it wants to fall. But what falls is only more rain.

I start to think we might never make it but suddenly we're there. We're here.

Because I'm so relieved and because it's easier than "sorry", I pull her close for a wet, trembling kiss. For old times' sake.

Shroud

It's our biggest fight ever and I keep it up because I'm winning. Our beautiful furniture, our appliances -- everything downstairs is wrecked. So we move upstairs, to the next level and keep at it.

I throw all his shirts out the window. He breaks off the heels of my shoes. I smash his guitar. He slashes my pillows and goose down swirls around the room. I throw his Ipod in his face.

It looks like I've won but he goes to my dressing table, picks up my favorite bottle of perfume, opens it and pours the contents on the floor.

"Nooooooo!" I scream. I scream and scream.

Falling around me, goose down like snow. Around me too, the sweet smell of flowers embracing me like a shroud.

Shore

It's a giant banana boat and it looks sturdy enough not to capsize. Well, it doesn't capsize but my friend and I get thrown off. It's not so scary at first. In fact, we swallow so much sea water from all the laughing as we try to get back on the banana boat.

I'm gripped with a brilliant idea. Why not swim to shore? It looks far but with the two of us swimming, it would be fun. Like people in Amazing Race! Like a real adventure!

So we let go of the banana boat and start drifting.

The sea. I have to admit the shore isn't as close as it first seemed. We swim to a life bouy and hang on for a while. The banana boat is gone. The waves are getting bigger.

"Now what?" I turn to my friend but she's gone.

So I swim to shore but the tide keeps taking me further and further. At times I almost reach it, I almost touch it, but another tide comes and takes me far, far away.

Shawn

We grin at each other. He hands me a Ving card just as a crowd comes in. I'm so surprised that I drop it and to make sure no one sees it, I step closer to him to step on the Ving card. We're standing so close that I smell his hotel-laundered shirt.

We're both still grinning when he leaves me. It could've been just my imagination but when I move my foot, there it still is. I pick it up and stare at it for a while.

It takes me a long time to assess the situation.

Finally, I go to a secret place that harbors a secret drawer and add that Ving card to the many others that are there and make up my mind to pretend that those plastic keys don't exist.

In My Dreams

They spot me walking in Greenhills and they call out to me and we talk in a very polite and grownup way about our so-called lives.

"How's teaching?"

"How's photography?"

"What's it like being the operations manager of google? Manlibre ka naman."

I see Daddy at my far right make a gesture of impatience so I turn to him and say, "Daddy, maybe you can go ahead? I'll just stand and talk here a bit."

We wait until Daddy is out of sight before we burst out laughing and stop the grownup bullshit. And as if to acknowledge how ridiculous we've been acting they tickle me and punch each other and they take turns stroking my hair and then I take a step to hug either one of them but I stop myself because I realize it's important who I hug first and I'm not ready to make that kind of weird decision now.

These two boys. Look at them. Who would've predicted they'd turn out so nicely and we would all stand around and make bullshit small talk.

They sense my aborted embrace. Then to solve matters, David, always the pragmatic one, takes a step back and Teejay, beautiful Teejay, hugs me and whirls me like he does in my dreams.

Fiona, Wishing Well, Rain

The minute I see Fiona I tell her all about my class.

"It's a major's class, right? It's not like a typical gen ed literature class wherein I can just fly by some selections and watch movies whenever I don't feel like teaching and not care if they understand theory or not. I mean, these are literature majors! What's gonna happen if they end up taking their masters at UP and they're so full of shit and someone like Neil asks them. 'Who put all that crap in your head?' and they say, 'Why, our teached did, Camille Dela Rosa, that's who!' I'll be soooo fucked!"

Fiona laughs like she truly understands so I continue and monopolize the conversation some more.

"I've never felt so harassed in my life. Never. I've never worked so hard. Never!"

It starts to rain but we don't care. We walk outside the campus towards a wishing well and we look down it and she asks me, "Do you wanna be the first to make a wish?"

"Really? You don't mind? You're sucha friend! Okay here goes..." And I close my eyes and take a deep breath and start to formulate the wish. I learned from The Labyrinth that a wish had to start with "I wish" for it to be granted so I'm very careful. This is something I want very, very badly.

Beside me, I sense her feel around her pockets for a coin for me to drop.

But I don't need the coin.

I feel that it has come. The moment the planets are aligned in my favor and the universe is standing still, waiting for me, me, me and I stick my tongue out to taste the rain.

"I wish..." I jump in the well, bottomless like guilt.

Fiona's panicked voice seems far, far away, "You weren't supposed to throw yourself!"

"Sdeah rieht edih dna nur yeht semoc nair eht fI."

The Accident

I don't remember how long I've been married to him.

I don't remember marrying him at all.

But he seems nice enough. Lets me be. Gives me a shitload of money. Sometimes, at night, when we're sitting on our posh couch in our posh apartment watching TV and I happen to stare at him without him knowing it, I decide that he's cute.

We have his and hers bedrooms. Two master bedrooms which I wonder about. He asks me, "Don't you remember? You insisted on two master bedrooms." His and hers bathrooms. His and hers everything. His and hers lives.

After dinner he tells me about the accident I have forgotten. The accident that made me forget everything including who I was.

"Your friend Moe was driving." He pauses. "Do you remember Moe?" he asks.

"I don't."

He continues, "You were officemates and you were bound for work that night and Moe was driving very, very fast in spite of the rain. The car's wiper broke but he drove on because you said you didn't want to be late. Do you remember?"

"I don't."

"You hated being late..." and I see him try not to go into too many details.

"And then?"

"Um. That's it. You crashed into a truck and you were dead when you got to the hospital but then they brought you back to life."

"And my friend? Moe?"

"He didn't make it."

He senses my sadness and walks to his room to leave me alone.

I sit by myself for a long time and make up my mind about something.

When I am ready, I enter his room. I don't bother to knock. He's lying on the bed and sits up in surprise when I come in.

I look at him squarely as I disrobe.

G-Spot

I run up and down (down and up?) the stairs. People from below (above?) me shout, "Slow down! Slow down!" But I can't! It's too exciting.

They say, in this labyrinth, is a G-spot. G for God. The perfect prayer place. Anyone standing there while praying will get his or her prayers answered.

For real?

What shall I ask for? Will I ever find this spot?

I keep running. It doesn't matter. I'm so happy.

Raspberry Swirl

Things are getting desperate when the all the boys can't be men.

He finds me at my old desk and asks me to help him look for Nyanne.

We search the grounds until we find her and she tries to explain to me that it's late, that the school bus is going to leave without us, but before she gets any further, he goes up to her and yanks her panties down. Pink panties with yellow flowers.

I wonder what color mine are but as I am about to look under my skirt he takes my hand and we run away.

"Can you fly?" he asks me.

"Yes, of course," I say.

So we take off and fly over the roofs and we can hear people below us looking for us but since no one bothers to look up, no one finds us.

We land on a field of barley and daisies and he asks me, "Can I give you pleasure?"

"But you're just a boy!, " I say.

"How?" he insists. "I'd like to make you come."

"Well. Like this," I say, pulling my panties down.

He stares.

"See this?" I point. "Eat it. Go ahead, eat it like it's the most delicious candy you've ever tasted or better yet eat it like it's the first time you've ever eaten candy.

He lunges at me and I topple down.

"Stop. Go back. Crawl to me and beg."

So he crawls and begs me, "Let me eat you, let me eat you, please." And I'm so turned on and he reaches me and then tastes me and eats me until I come.