Carinderia, Ball Room, Gym

Mama left me to myself to wander through divisoria. I protest, "Mama, hold my hand! I feel like getting lost!" But she has disappeared.

So I look around. I consider buying a beautiful pair of shoes but more and more things for sale keep catching my eye and I walk on and on. In the middle of the chaotic market, like an oasis, is a Marc Jacobs outlet. I gasp. I go to it and it even smells like America! I'm so excited that I riffle through the clothes but I'm so dissapointed that there's not a single clothing article that I like.

Finding my way out, I see Daddy and Mama eating at a small carinderia. I join them and look so desolate because the place is so tiny and hot and fly infested. Mama asks me, "Why don't you eat something? Too good for this now, Miss Priss? What happened to my daughter who would eat anything anywhere?"

"Oh, I dunno Ma. She died. This isn't her anymore."

***

I'm at a party in one of Discovery Hotel's ball rooms. I'm wearing a pink silk puffy gown that makes me look like Cinderella. In the other ball room next to the one I'm at is another party that's just breaking up. I see Jackie Arellano and we compare notes about our respective parties. Most of what she's saying gets drowned out by the noise around us. But something she says hits me hard and clear, "Teejay was asking about you."

I pause and remind myself to breathe. Breathe, Camille, breathe. Act normal. Say something. "Really now."

"He says you went to each other's graduation balls. And wrote each other letters."

"Hmm. Yes. Ten years ago, imagine." Breathe, Camille, breathe.

"He's still in the ball room, you know. Down the stairs, through the narrow corridor, right turn, left turn, straight ahead. So are you going?"

"I don't know. Maybe later. Maybe not."

"Alright. Nice talking to you again." Beso, beso.

As soon as Jackie's out of sight, I turn and run. Down the stairs, through the narrow corridor, right turn, left turn, straight ahead. My pink gown gets torn, my hair comes undone. I try to compose my speech to him. "Teejay, I'm so sorry. I didn't know! I only found out last Saturday through Arcy of all people! For ten years nobody told me. You should've told me! If I had only known then things would've been different! Because it's only now that I realize... I realize... things. So until you tell me it's okay, until you tell me you've forgiven me, until you explain to me what you were thinking, until you lift this curse, I will keep hurting those I love and I will never, never find peace."

And I enter the room and I realize that I've been tricked. This isn't a ball room. It's a mausoleum and I'm trapped and it's getting harder and harder to take in some air and I realize that it's only a matter of time before I die.

***

This is the sossy-iest gym I've ever been to. It looks like a palace. Moe asks me, "Why are you wearing those ridiculous green jogging pants?" I laugh.

"Surely, they're not that ridiculous? Oh, come on, after all it's just a PE uniform! You're way too harsh!"

As soon as I say that I turn cold and realize I'm back in college. True enough, I see April, Estee, and Kathleen all wearing ridiculous looking green jogging pants and ugly PE shirts.

They don't know what's happened. That we're back in time. That I've seen the future, their future, everyone's future!

"Come, Cami, have Moe take a picture of us!"

The four of us smile, like before, like nothing has happened, like we will forever be the four cutest, perkiest girls ever, who hate badminton but will play gracefully anyway, who are heartbroken but will smile, who can have any boy we want except the ones we truly love.

After the pictorial, we pair up to play badminton, and I end up with April exactly like I should. But she plays differently this time or is it me playing differently? I can't seem to focus on the shuttle cock. It isn't a shuttle cock! It's a bullet! And before I find the sense to dodge it, it hits me in the heart and I fall on the floor.

The palace is just a regular gym now. Everyone else is gone and I'm still wearing my ridiculous green jogging pants and although I don't feel any pain, I feel very, very tired.

Moe comes to me, craddles me and doesn't let me go until I die.