Superior Hostess

Your emergency's about to end.
Earlier this evening on your bed.
- Possum Dixon, "Emergency"

Chapter 1

Slumber party! The whole house to myself and my guests! It's a dream come true!

At first I was concerned about the condition of the house because it's been empty for so long but everything is in tip-top shape. Excellent.

I get to keep my old blue room, of course. The guests get to pick from the other rooms.

Sunshine takes Cheng's room. Good choice, Sunsh. Big airy room with two views - one of the courtyard.

My UP friends (Kit, Kath, Abi, LaVerne) take Sockie's room since there are more of them and that room has more beds.

Where to put my barkada? Oh, the library! That has its own bathroom too! Everything is fine. Lalalala.

Moe gets the upstairs master's bedroom. The master's bedroom! That room has two views as well! Wait a minute! Oh, okay, whatever. At least he gets his own bathroom and doesn't have to share with the girls.

More people are coming! Wee! Will just open up more rooms.

Feeling very much like superior type of hostess. People will say, "That Camille throws the best slumber parties!" Heehee.

"Hey! Come in! So glad you could come!" Beso, beso. Move on to next guest. "Hey... Tina?"

Blink, blink. Now how did she happen to be invited?

"Umm. Moe invited me. Can I stay?"

It only takes me a second of hesitation to earn a lifetime of guilt for being inhospitable and I fall over myself trying to make up for it.

"Yes. Yes! Come in! Certainly!" Weirdly enough I don't want to hurt her feelings. Her feelings!

It doesn't seem enough of an act of contrition so I say, "Look, you get the best room in the house!"

And before I can stop myself I've led her to the downstairs master bedroom. Auntie Nieves' room! The one with the best two views. The one with high ceilings! The one beside the bush of rosal whose flowers make the room so fragrant. The one with the walk in closet! I look at Tina's clothes and think she doesn't deserve a walk in closet and for a second want to tell her, "Don't go in there! Don't go in that room! It's my favorite!" But I am a superior hostess and god damn me if I am rude to my guests.

I settle her in and sit outside her room. I'm so envious. Am I selfish? Begrudging her a short stay in my favorite room? It's just that she's so lukcy. She's so lucky. This master bedroom comes with a master suite. It has a little common room and an extra room. It comes with so many perks! Sigh. Lucky, lucky Tina.

And hello?!? Who is this woman sitting in the extra room in the master suite? I swear next time must hire bouncer.

I inhale and do recite my mantra in my head. "Superior hostess. Superior hostess. Superior hostess."

Then Tina pops out. "Camille? I forgot to tell you. I brought my Mother. Ma, meet Camille, our gracious, superior hostess."

Chapter 2

Stupid fuck! Gracious, superior hostess indeed!

Must find Moe. What's this? Mothers? What kind of slumber party is this? Will never forgive him. Never can ever! Why am I mad at him? Why? Because I cannot get mad at Tina, that's why! Because I cannot get mad at the old lady who is her mother, that's why! This one is on him! Damn him!

Where are my cigarettes?

I confront him in the upstairs master bedroom and it hits me that him and Tina have one master bedroom each and that just makes me laugh and cry at the same time.

"I cannot believe it! You brought her and she brought her mother! You didn't even bother to ask me! This is my house!"

"Her mother? Has she come? Where is she?"

"Oh, don't worry. I settled her in. She and Tina are staying in the master suite with Tina in the master bedroom! How did it happen that you and Tina get the best rooms!"

"Fine. Take this room! Tina and I will share. She'll share with me, generous, sweet, perfect girl that she is."

Ouch. "GO AHEAD TRAITOR!" Ang sakit talaga!

"Who are you calling a traitor? You're an infidel! Evil Cam-evil! What made you think I could ever take you seriously? You're a bad person and a terrible hostess!"

"Ohhhh, fuck it! Fuck you! Fuck the world! I am a superior hostess and will continue being a superior hostess and attend to my other guests but we're not done here!"

"Oh, yes we are! We were done long ago!"

Chapter 3

Dinner. Tired. Now how can it be that I can't find a seat in my own house?

Ah, there, Moe. Never mind if we parted in a sour, bruttish fashion. Must make up now and share a table.

But as I'm making my way, he spots me and as if to not make me come any closer, he stands up hastily and prepares to give a speech and for a while I smile thinking he will repeat his welcome-to-MCI speech just to make me laugh but he announces his engagement to Tina and I see that they've been sitting beside each other all this time. Engagement! That's why she brought her mother! Fuck me, why didn't I see this coming?

Everyone stands up to clap and cheer and I'm standing there holding my plate, holding my breath, holding my tears.

"Superior hostess. Superior hostess. Superior hostess." No, it's no good. It's not working.

I start to cry. Never mind. No one is looking at me anyway.

Hay, Moe. You do what you have to do.

Good bye guests. Good bye my room with my postcards on the walls and my dolls on shelves. Good bye house. I thought this time I could keep you.

No one notices me put my plate down on the nearest table, leave the room, walk out of my own house and disappear.